Broken Doll

David,

This isn’t all about you and it never was. Since you insist on comparing this to your ex-fiancee, try this on for size: how well would you have survived if after two weeks John had told you he was sick of hearing it, and you needed to shut up and get over it already? If after a month you find out he’s already been bad-mouthing you to your other friends? If after three months he and everyone else you knew stopped speaking to you completely, even though you stopped speaking of her to anyone, at their insistence, weeks ago?

That’s exactly what happened to me. I wasn’t even given time to recover, much less any caring or support to do so. How could anyone think that you meant so little to me that I would just shrug you off after two weeks?

It wasn’t just one or two fair-weather friends. It was everyone, including those who had offered a listening ear at the start and then turned around and blamed and berated me for taking them up on it. Including those who had explicitly told me, in so many words, that they would be there for me no matter what. Including people I’d known and trusted for years, who I absolutely would have gone to the wall for, had they ever asked, who claimed to be my “friend.”

It wasn’t just losing you. I have nothing left that matters in any way and no faith in people at all anymore. I trusted these so-called friends. Every last one of them abandoned me or stabbed me in the back. I now see very clearly that whoever I interact with, the only damn reason they haven’t yet sold me out is because they haven’t yet come across the right circumstances to where it would be to their best advantage.

Out of all of this, you are the only one who has never actually lied to me.