Broken Doll

I’m feeling grumbly because I’m over a week out from the last, very final, chemo session and I still have the awful, low-grade but annoyingly chronic burning in my arms and legs, and that weird sensation of a lump in my chest (or waaayyy back in the throat, it is irritatingly elusive). It gets worse if I attempt to sit up for more than, say, half an hour, which pisses me off because I slept well last night and I’m not even all that tired.

Granted trying to work, even part-time, the week after really has gotten to the point of hideously awful by now, given that my body at this point wants to just throw up its hands at all of the toxic crap we’ve been pumping into it. Enough already. I’d start sweating and shaking by around noon or 1pm, and come home absolutely exhausted with my limbs burning like I had a hundred rats gnawing on my bones. And I was only working six-hour days, after taking Monday off completely to give myself a little extra time to recover.

I’m being intentionally lazy this weekend. I am hoping that the burning goes away completely by… well, by this morning would have been nice, but at least by Monday morning so I can move around the Faire without wanting to curl up into a ball.

This is soooo frustrating. I can lie on the couch, sure, but I don’t need to sleep. I’d rather be doing something, but then I run the risk of having the sweats sneak up on me and laying me out when I’m in the middle of it. Sigh.

I can’t wait til all of this goes away. I’m getting so fat that my tummy is uncomfortably in the way. I want to be able to run again. I want to stop being hot all the time. I want my hair back.

Gah.