Broken Doll

The only reason I’m not right now is because it would be too much of a hassle to explain it to two dozen medical workers tomorrow.

And if it’s bad news then maybe it’s just time to lay my burdens down. I’m not ready to pick up this fight again, to watch myself waste away. Maybe this is just my time, and it’s about time I accepted it with grace.

It would, after all, make things a lot less complicated. If I missed the road sign the first time around, I should probably give it a good hard look the second time. Maybe it’s time to stop being so damn stubborn and scared, and just make sure I’ve said good-bye to everyone I need to.

And god I want to carve the pain out of my flesh and make it stop. It’s dark down here and it hurts and I just want to let the blood loose to wash it away.

please please please please please

Overall, things are going well, so why do I get home from work in such a pissy mood all the time lately?

I want my super-cool computer to finally be fully set up, to work, to have software, and be fecking usable already.

I want David to commit to some sort of schedule this week.  I’ve got a ton of other crap I can do around him, but I can’t schedule it around him if I don’t know when “him” is!  I want him to return my calls.  (Okay, to be fair, he’s been a lot better about this, and it’s only this week, really, where he’s reverted, but it’s pissing me off.  All out of proportion.)

My cat whines when he wants attention.  Good lord I hate that.

I need my damn files!  I need the stuff from my old hard drive!  I need to be able to record my financial transactions on my checkbook spreadsheet already!  It’s been weeks and I have no idea where my money is going!!

aaaggggghhhhhhhh!!!