Broken Doll

Honestly…

Am I the one who has broken my life? Or is this simply the most rational response I can have to this horrific end result of things beyond my control?

What gets accomplished by digging up ancient history? Will it do anything other than re-open old wounds, dump a whole shitload of fresh trauma on my head, and make things even worse than they already are?

I don’t need to pay money for that to happen. It happens just fine on its own.

I don’t see how I can change anything. What’s happening isn’t my doing. And every therapist I’ve ever seen has either been unwilling or unable to show me. If they were waiting on me, they need to get a clue. If I knew what was broken or how to fix it I wouldn’t be there in the first place.

Add to this the money issue. I already have a few grand in medical bills that I may or may not ever be able to pay off, with a brand-new giant deductible that will hit me by March (another CT scan) if not before. My mental health coverage is a joke (and this from a plan that would cover anything else at 100% because I blew through my deductible last March).

Basically… unless this theoretical therapist has the backing of a hospital, a charity foundation, or some other large organization, she’ll have to eat at least 75% of the cost.

This isn’t going to work.